It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize