Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
