mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
