There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize