Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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