just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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