I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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