So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
