I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I think my moral compass just broke
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