i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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