She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
