We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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