My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
