it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
