You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
