Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Randomize
