covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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