I want to make a zoo with you.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
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