I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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