I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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