But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
