turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
