Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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