New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
