omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
