I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
