Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
