If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize