at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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