well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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