its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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