If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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