Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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