Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
