do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
