i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
