i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
