I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
