just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
