i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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