The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
