Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
