I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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