I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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