i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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