Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
