if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
