some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
