Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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