Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
