u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
