I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize