i need an iv and a liver transplant
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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