Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
