I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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