first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
