girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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