Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
