Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
