if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
