you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
