Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
