i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Actions speak louder than pants.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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