i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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