like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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