I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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