I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
