birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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