Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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