Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
