at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
