the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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