Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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