Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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