This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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