My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
