there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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