Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
