I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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