youre lurking in front of me
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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