somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
