my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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