3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize