You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
