i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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