plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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