So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I just cut my nipple shaving
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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