I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
