we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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