I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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