He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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