Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
