Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
