...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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