You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
