Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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