I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
