What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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