I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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