We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
