We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
