fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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