Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
