So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
