i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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