i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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