I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
