So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
