THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize