she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
How does it feel to date your dad?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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