But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
