Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize