I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
