I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
