Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
