Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
