did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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