he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
