It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
