My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
