Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
