Your face is a jimmy john
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
