Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
