i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
You left your phone here
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