you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
