I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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