I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
