Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
